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User blog:Joeaikman/Recapping in Rap - The Walking Dead
Hello there my friends! Today I have written a sequel to my previous recap of Game of Thrones, and am now bringing you a recap of all 7 seasons of The Walking Dead! Credits go out to Jella and Grav who gave some line ideas, and to Loyg for reading through parts of this! Let's go! Recap Season 1 Car chase! Gun shots! Rick wounded in a coma! Wakes up! Fam gone! Morgan beats him over… The head! He ain’t dead, and now Morgan explains, That the world is infected and they want to eat brains! Rick rides to Atlanta, looking for his family, All he finds is a tank, and then Glenn Rhee! Merle is an ass, Rick cuffs him and he’s stuck there! Dead guts on the chest, and the guys survive by a hair! Reunited with Lori, who has been fucking his best friend, Shane almost takes a shot! Rick decides to leave again! Girls wash clothes, Carol is slapped around a bit, Andrea tries to defend her, then Shane loses his shit! Walker attack! Carol’s hubby is a casualty! Andrea’s sis gets bit whilst she tries to pee! Rick takes the group away to the CDC! But that only leads to deaths and more anxiety! Season 2 Journey on the road, until Sophia runs off, The group go looking for her, and Carl gets shot! Hershel’s the go-to guy to try and save his life, But doesn’t have the kit, so Shane must ride! Glenn meets Maggie and the two of them fuck, Maggie gets pissed at Lori, who is also knocked up! Shane shoots Otis and leaves him to be bitten, So looks like the show has found it’s first big villain! Dale watches on as characters bond, Daryl imagines Merle, and ends up in a pond! Shane stirs shit after they find the barn contains walkers, The group pull out their guns, which ends in a slaughter! Daddy Green spirals down, Rick saves him from himself! Then Dale gets ripped and the season goes to hell! Shane and Rick have a quip off as a herd approaches, Almost everyone survives, though Shane gets his notice! Season 3 Hunt for food! Rick and the gang end up behind bars! Find some convicts! Then Hershel loses his calf! Rick doesn’t trust them, and damn, he was right! Andrea’s still alive, accompanied by a black samurai! Merle’s back too! Now he’s the lackey to a slick customer! He’s obsessed with the dead, and they call him The Governor! Lori gives birth! It doesn’t end well though! Caesarean! Merle gives chase, as Michonne meets some new friends! Rick goes mad, and now has to handle a newborn baby! Merle threatens Glenn, and the Governor gets a bit rapey! Rick and Carl go on a car trip to the town they bore from! Get shot at by a stranger, and holy shit it’s Morgan! Tyreese leads a group, but they switch sides with Merle, Who abducts a girl, before being sent from the new world! The Governor loses, but for Rick it is a Pyrrhic victory, Because Axel gets shot, and Andrea kills herself quickly! Season 4 New prison! New community! New characters in bunks! There’s Carl’s new bestie, and Bob Stookey the drunk! Infection rips through the place! Hershel risks his life! We get some backstory for the Governor’s would-be wife! Tyreese’s missus is burned, and Carol gets punished! The Governor turns up and Rick finally just says fuck it! Hershel’s chopped at the neck as his kids scream and wail! Then Rick gets beaten, but The Governor gets impaled! Michonne wandering in the wild! The prison is a no-go! Rick sleeps for days, whilst Carl is out dealing cold blows! Carol and Tyreese are reunited together out in the wild, They learn some hard truths, and Carol puts down a child! Daryl and Beth are together, it’s like one awkward, long date, Beth gets taken! Daryl’s new team claims! Carl getting raped! Meanwhile, Maggie is safe! Out walking with Sasha and Bob! She wants to find Glenn, whilst her companions get it on! Her hubby is safe, too, rocking with some newer characters! Rosita, Abe, and Eugene! Don’t forget Tara Chambler! She’s the funny new character! An acquaintance of an enemy! But Glenn is willing to forget this if she helps him find Maggie! All our characters are separate! All headed to the same place! Is Terminus what it seems, or are they putting on a face! Season 5 Captured by cannibals! Carol burns down the station! Bob taken! Bob eaten! Gabriel is forsaken! Rick destroys Gareth! Gabriel thinks it’s wrong! Then Beth comes back! And then Beth is gone! Abe’s group cornered! Eugene’s hose aim is on fire! Then Abraham beats him up cos Euge is a liar! Noah leads them to a haven where Tyreese is bitten, What follows is an episode dedicated to his visions! The show then goes and takes walking way too literally! Aaron is caught following the group! Rick beats him liberally! But he seems to be a nice guy from a nice community! Rick gets named sherrif! Not leader? Soon to be! Daryl and Aaron spring a trap that was clearly set out for them! Are they gonna die in the car? Wait, holy shit it’s Morgan! Rick and Michonne strut the streets! Confront a wife beater! He reunites with Morgan, before then shooting Peter! Season 6 Walkers in a quarry! They get released? That’s ridiculous! Glenn dies on the run?!? No wait, that was Nicholas! Flashbacks confirm that the great Rick is now leading! They’ve been hyping up the Wolves! Then easily defeated! Carol and Morgan have issues! Argue over life for death! Rick fucks a boy’s mom, before Carl fucks his girlfriend! Do any characters go missing? Yeah, sure! Heath does! But we get a new badass with a Hilltop loving Jesus! Journey to a new place! Maggie is having a baby! Awww! Gregory gets pervy with her, and then drops the Saviours! Rick agrees to fight, but he isn’t sure what they’re up against! Carl gets an eye blown out! This boy sure don’t sit on the fence! Eugene has a new plan! Abraham and Sasha get together! Then Maggie needs a doctor, so set out on an endaevour! Simon on the road, makes this seem like GTA getting shitty! Who the fuck met Lucille? We all get sent to Pee Pee City! Season 7 Rick sees red when the redheads head is left red! Daryl lashes out, so Negan strikes Glenn down dead! The group work for him now, there’s no time for mournin’ And Daryl can’t save Carol… Holy shit it’s Morgan! Negan visits Alexandria as shit starts to get real! Morgan introduces Carol to the High King Ezekiel! Tara meets a community consisting wholly of women! Gregory acts like a pussy! Carl goes on a suicide mission! Spencer is gutted at the prospect of no promotion! Daryl is a slave, until his escape is put in motion! War kicks off, with the Hilltop Colony backing Rick! Ezekiel is unsure until he gets tricked by a Dick! Sasha after Negan! Rosita runs! Someone’s seen her! So she returns to Alexandria with Dwight the Redeemer! Final battle! Betrayal happens! Sasha in a casket! Kingdom save Carl! Epic Maggie speech! That’s it! ! Category:Blog posts